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you never knew

quite what a star felt like

until he brushed the hair from your face

and it felt like a bolt of lightning

had struck

and electricity ran through your veins 

until he held your hand

so tightly

that it was like handcuffs holding you to him

for what he hoped

was eternity

until you braided his hair

and found it to be made of softened gold

woven with wires of featherlight bronze

spun together with all the lightness of a thundercloud

you never knew

how beautiful a star really was

until you saw him up close

and realized sunshine

was really just his smile

until he stumbled into your life

thrown from the sky

broken

but unbelievably breathtaking

until he lit up every corner

of your life

every bit of darkness melting away

and you saw everything

        even him, especially him 

anew

you definitely never knew

how much hurt built up over years of living so brightly

until he collapsed and crumbled

all his light extinguished

and the sky going dark

as he cried on your floor

until you saw

the scars of his past that spread over his back

like a embroidered cloth

until he winced every time you touched him

as if he were a porcelain doll that would fall to pieces if you did

until he did fall apart

shattering to pieces on the concrete

when you said you had to leave

and he thought you meant forever

you never knew

how lonely the universe could really be

until he begged you on his knees

crying for you just to stay

as the outside world

and all your responsibilities

screamed and threatened

from the other side of your door

until he didn’t leave your side

and broke down 

when you left,

pulled by the responsibilities

and realities

and distractions

of life

not until

he left you

and suddenly the brightest thing in your life

was gone

and everything was so,

so

dark

you never knew

how long forever truly was

until you left him

and suddenly

every moment without him

was forever

all these things you never knew

all add up to a world of knowledge

and a mountain of hurt

as you do know

that once he has left you

he will never

ever

come back

and all these things you know now

fit together into the worlds most painful puzzle

each a reminder,

every time you see a star

or the sun

shining through the window,

he’s never coming back

a reminder

of all the time you did have together

that you can never again relive

a reminder of his smile

his laughter

his joy

his happiness

and light

a reminder

of how dark

it is without him

a reminder of his sadness

his brokenness

everything

that you couldn’t fix

a reminder of the pieces

you couldn’t put back together

because after all

how can you understand,

put together,

a puzzle

of which each piece

is a broken beauty beyond comprehension

and of which

each piece

is slowly pulling itself to ruin

if you leave it

for even but a moment

how can you fix

something that breaks more and more

every time you touch it

but that turns to dust when you do not

how can you solve a paradox

that pulls you in deeper and deeper

into despair and a trap shrouded in beauty

every time you think about it

the heartbreaking answer

is

you can’t

you cannot save him

no matter how hard you try

because there are some things

that are broken beyond repair

and his heart 

is one of those broken things

some things 

only break you 

when you try to fix them 

and he loved you 

too much

to let you break too